im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Mom said you looked used
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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