Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize