he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
PS: I just woke up from my shower
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
