She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
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I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
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We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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