so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
