I accidentally had phone sex last night
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
