Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
