So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
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I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
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We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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