It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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