If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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