im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
