she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
