...so i touched it.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
