I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
