I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
