Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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