The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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