If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
