WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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