you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
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He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
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How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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