i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
