go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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