Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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