I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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