Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
