Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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