Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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