when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
