Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
