It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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