i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Walk of Shame today included voting.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
