who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
