Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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