My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
