nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
