Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
