I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
