Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
