I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
