Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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