he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
