You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
