I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
