you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
