Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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