i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
