you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
