In the future we'll all be gay
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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