Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
