You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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