really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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