Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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