I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
