YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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