Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
