We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
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Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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