Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
sarcasm needs its own font
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
