Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
